“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it
is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not
easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”
– 1 Corinthians 13:4-5
As those
gathered quiet themselves and find their seats, the Minister looks down over
the congregation and then directs his eyes to the front row. Tears are ever present on the delicate cheeks
of the woman seated right near the center of the aisle as her husband sits next
to her and take her hand in his. He
provides strength and compassion as all eyes focus on the couple at the front
of the church. The Minister opens his
bible to 1 Corinthians 13 and begins to recite the all too familiar verse
describing the love of the Father. The
soon to be married couple hear some of the words, but the butterflies in their
stomach, and the nervousness that they feel take their attention away from his
words. They are focused more on getting
through this service and onto the rest of their life together.
Many of us have been there, standing in the front of the church, all eyes upon
us as we recited our vows of love for one another. The words of Paul the Apostle have become a
standard part of most weddings in an attempt to describe the act of loving one
another as God has loved us. This is not
a new verse to most of you, but it is a verse that is often times overlooked as
we build a marriage relationship centered on the heart of God the Father. These verses capture the keys to a successful
marriage: “Love each other as much as God loves the other person and your
marriage will be long and fruitful”
Love is patient and this is absolutely
necessary in a marriage. The other
person will have a different and unique personality from you, and you will have
to be patient to accept them for who God made them to be.
Love is kind – it all starts with
kindness. In every situation, the first
thing we should focus on is kindness and in doing so realize that God is kind
to us in all things. Kindness is highly
under-rated when it comes to relationships, yet such a strong power for
building trust between two people.
Love does not envy, even when you
feel cheated out of something. God has
blessed you and your focus needs to be on being grateful for what you have been
given, not what your neighbor may have.
Love is not boastful or proud. We all struggle with pride from time to
time. It is a tool of the evil one to
separate individuals from one another and from God. It requires that one focus their attention on
themselves, lifting their qualities up and in doing so, pressing down upon
others. We are all created equal and in
God’s eyes there is no hierarchy of importance, therefore there is no room for
boasting or being prideful.
Love does not dishonor another
individual. In a marriage we should
be looking for ways to lift up our spouse and bring honor to them through our
words and actions. So often I see
spouses pointing out the shortcomings and problems with each other rather than
focusing on the positives. When God
looks at any of us, He sees who He made us to be, not who we have become. When you look upon your spouse, focus on the
fact that they are a child of God and when you speak about them you are
reflecting an image of the Father to those that are listening.
Love is not self-seeking. Studies have shown that the number one reason
for divorce is selfishness. People in
general want happiness and joy for themselves first. Putting another’s needs ahead of our own is
difficult and counter-culture. Society
has taught us to look out for number one because nobody else is going to. God teaches us to serve one another and
humble ourselves before His throne. The
contradiction is evident and requires a conscious choice in every
situation. When we place our own needs
above the needs of the marriage, we are destined to slide down this slippery
slope. This is an area that requires
strict attention and work from both members of a marriage.
Love is not angered easily,
regardless of the situation. Controlling
ones temper is an example of maturity in the Lord. During the courtship and dating phase of a
relationship it seems so easy to bite your tongue when the other person says or
does something wrong. Something changes
though when we put the wedding band on the finger as if all of a sudden the
individuals are no longer working together, but are against each other. My wife has a subtle way of reminding me of
this when we are having a difference of opinion. “We are on the same team.” This little phrase is a quick reminder that
the situation is not bigger than the commitment we made to God and to each
other. The “team” consists of the three
of us: God, Lisa and me; and there is no room for fighting amongst the team.
Love keeps not record of wrong-doing. God forgives and forgets, why then can’t
we. Human nature is generally forgiving,
but it is something completely different to forget. Our memories hold onto those things that
cause hurt or pain in our life as a defense mechanism for the future. Unfortunately, this hanging on causes the
pain to resurface again in the future, long after the actual event has been
washed away. We must learn to let go of
the past, for if God has forgotten it, who are we to hold onto it?
These words take all of about 15 seconds to read during the wedding ceremony,
but when put to use throughout the marriage can help sustain, for a lifetime,
what God has brought together. As we
draw near to Valentines day, focus your attention on how God loves you in these
ways, and how you should be loving your spouse likewise.
Prayer:
Loving Father,
Thank you for giving us marriage counseling throughout Your scriptures. Help us to put these principles in place in
our relationships with each other and with You.
Help us to pause and reflect on how we can improve our love for each
other through Your word as provided by Paul the Apostle. Let Your words convict our hearts and minds,
and let our lives be forever changed. In
Your name we pray – Amen
